Now, what two or more individuals do in the privacy of their own home, back seat of an F-150 long cab or sex club, is entirely up to them, but Mister Manfred Mann assumes the request was for help in how a man can have anal sex with a woman. She's the catcher - not you... though that could be another blog entry.
Mister Manfred Mann is no prude. While we do indeed know exactly how many women we have slept with - a lot - the exact number is for personal consumption only... suffice to say that 95% of the women he has fucked have also had my wiener up their ass.
You can gather from that number that Mister Manfred Mann enjoys screwing women anally.
Why? Honestly... a sense of empowerment. Women who will do that for you must really trust you. In fact, of the 95% of the women Mister Manfred Mann has had anal sex with, 64% of those women had never had anal sex before.
Mister Manfred Mann has always been a version of Captain James T. Kirk, boldly going where no man has gone before.
A lady friend of his, Caroline, said that Mister Manfred Mann's numbers are nowhere close to being the norm, and he has to agree. She says for her girlfriends, anything to do with the word 'butt' or 'anal' is not in their vocabulary and definitely not in their ass. His MILF friend Deb has also famously quoted that the asshole is for exit only.
Too bad - she has a great ass. Caroline, too. They are not part of Mister Manfred Mann's numbers as he has not yet fucked either of them, but never say die, and eat more pie!
Now... speaking of famous quotes, Mister Manfred Mann recalls reading in an old porno magazine back in the 1970s, that JFK (John. F. Kennedy), the 35th president of the United States of America, once said that he was never finished with a woman until he had had her three ways. Let's see: ( ) Pussy, mOuth, and... oh yeah... anal *.
Even then, Mister Manfred Mann recalls thinking out loud that if fucking a woman three ways was good enough for the president of the U.S., it sure was good enough for himself.
But, or butt, if you prefer, man... a lot of women don't want to do anal. They figure it hurts... and yes, it can. Especially if it isn't done correctly.
So... this entry on anal sex shall be in three parts:
1) How to get your woman's ass ready for her first anal sex experience;
2) How to use toys to get the ass ready to handle your rod;
3) How to actually have anal sex with your cock being the star.
The convincing part... that's still up to you and her, and 'no' always means 'no'. It's true... Mister Manfred Mann has heard from many of his male friends that women will often say they have tried it (a little) and it hurt a lot and they don't want to try it again. But, Mister Manfred Mann can only conclude that is either because they are lying and trying save their ass or they legitimately tried it and the idiots who were engaged in said act where too eager in their entry. Fucking assholes.
Now... since anal sex has been getting a bum rap, Mister Manfred Mann wants to teach you how to get your woman's asshole ready for some fun, while having fun doing it. perhaps this is something you can actually mention to your woman - because, afterall, you will be playing with her asshole, so she might as well know before hand, so that you can discuss it like a normal human being (her) and you.
What the fuck are you doing with your finger up your ass? Because I told you too? Okay... at least you are listening. Perv.
The first thing both of you need to understand is that there are a lot of nerve endings all around the anus. For you assholes out there, the anus is the end of the digestive system that leads to the rectum.
With those nerve endings all about, the anus and rectum are sensitive areas... but with the right touch, whether it's a tongue, finger, cock, plug, vibrator or dildo, you can make the anal experience a highly pleasurable one for both the woman and for you. When she's happy, you will be happy.
Men: you too have a clusterfuck of nerve endings around your asshole. Your prostate gland is up and inside there - that's what the doctor is feeling when he sticks a (hopefully) gloved finger up your ass. You can actually have an orgasm merely from some pressure on your prostate. Although, Mister Manfred Mann should point out that that is not something you want to do in front of Dr. Ben Dover.
Women: you can actually achieve a G-spot orgasm (more on the G-spot can be found HERE - yes, Mister Manfred Mann always knows how to find the G-spot, and you can too) from anal activities.
Now... let's look at some:
- Communication: This is so important! The need for communication is paramount. It's communication with each other on how things feel and what works and what doesn't. It's not just a bit of spit and in your cock goes. That works in the porno movies - but only because they are already either lubed or know how to handle plastic or meat up their ass. For us regular folks - communication.
- No Pain: If it hurts, ix-nay on the ass-ay. Back off. Sex - and here we are not talking about S&M or any of the standard fun kinks - should not hurt. Anal sex should not hurt, either.
- Lubrication. Lubrication. Lubrication: That asshole is built for exits, but properly lubed, it can handle an entrance. Don't worry... she'll let you know if her asshole lacks enough lubrication.
- Relaxation: If she's tensing up, someone's gonna get a hurt real bad. You need to get her to relax BEFORE anything goes up her ass. Tell her a few jokes. Get her to do some jumping jacks. A shot of booze. A joint (of beef?), whatever. This blog does not condone the use of illegal narcotics.
- Hi Gene: Stupid Auto-Correct. It should have read hygiene. yes, Mister Manfred Mann already said have a shower... but even if a well-oiled finger is going up there... if it's you (the man) inserting a finger... make sure your fingernails are trimmed back and are clean. Women with long nails... you can still do this, but slowly.
- Clean Up On Aisle #2: Since this blog entry is merely Step 1 of a learning exercise, and you have already got your woman to agree to some anal stimulation (not cock penetration - yet), she needs to evacuate her bowels. Yes, this can be something as simple as taking a crap, or it can involve performing an enema. Please do not starve her for two days before anal intrusion. Just know that fecal matter could still be a part of the equation. And for chrissakes, be a man and don't effing freak out about it. If you are concerned about poop on you, wear a latex glove, finger condom, have a shower (both of you before hand), and, or simply grow a pair.
- Exercises: Mister Manfred Mann isn't talking about sit-ups or yoga here. We're talking about exercises to get her asshole ready for play. You guys know that pubococcygeous muscle (pronounced pyoo-bo-cock-see-gee-us mus-sell) is that muscle that helps you stop peeing in mid-stream? Well you should. Read THIS blog. Both the woman and man can benefit from reading that blog entry, as a strong pubococcygeous (PC) muscle can enhance your experience of orgasm, improve ejaculatory control and decrease incontinence, among other great benefits. Anyhow... a woman can do this too. In fact, by performing the squeezing of this muscle, she (and you) can also strengthen her anal muscles. For women, these are called anal kegels. Women... follow the rules Mister Manfred Mann has set forth in the blog article, and you will have a well-toned PC muscle that guys will be drooling over - mostly because we drool a lot.
- Well-oiled Machine: Lubrication is a must. Sticking something up a dry ass hurts. Don't believe Mister Manfred Mann? Go ahead - we won't watch - stick a finger up your ass while you are watching the Golf Channel. Fucking hurts, doesn't it? Now imagine a big hard cock - just like yours - going up your own asshole. That's why you are going to want to use lubrication for your anal play with your woman. As mentioned, the rectum (Rectum? Damn near killed'em!) is a sensitive area. Unlike your penis (pre-cum) or her vagina, it does not create its own lubrication. As such, when things go into it, tearing can occur. That's tearing as in ripping... not like crying, though that is also a possible outcome. And while it may be very macho of you to rip your woman's asshole up, we can guarantee she will find her revenge on you one way or the other - perhaps with Mister Manfred Mann. Use a lubricant. For anal sex, the thicker the lube, the better, as they do not evaporate quickly. Put some lube on the asshole (her anus, butt fuck) and on your finger or toy...
- Someone's At The Back Door: You now need to get a feel for your asshole. It's time to play. The woman can do this by herself, or you can do this with her. Either way: relaxed and lubed. Now it's time to place a fingertip inside your woman's asshole. If it hurts - pull it out! Let her place her more slender finger up there - you can watch. If you meet resistance (not her screaming "NO!!!" - in which case pull out) - where it seems like the tip of the finger doesn't want to go in... have your woman push out as if you had to go to the bathroom (poop) and push your finger in at the same time.
- Fun With Experimentation: Here Mister Manfred Mann recommends - with a finger up your woman's ass that you have your woman do some experimenting. By this we mean she should try clenching her asshole for a second or two and then release... always good to breath as normally as possible. She can do the clenches without anything in her ass - and both you and her should feel and observe the changes with her anus. Now try rubbing a finger in small little circles around the rim of her asshole. Does she have any particularly sensitive spots? See? This is you communicating! She will be amazed at your sensitivity (but don't mention how much you are looking to plow her ass like it is harvest time). Insert the fingertip (lubed)... not very far... even half the fingernail length... gently... have her flex and release... and when you both have had enough (okay, when she's had enough after a few minutes), pull out gently, wash-up, come back, kiss her nicely and thank her and then fuck her pussy like she likes to be fucked. If you aren't sure, ask Mister Manfred Mann. The odds are pretty good he knows how she likes it.
By the way... that anal plug up above is known as a black Tristan Plug 1, and can be purchased from the Babeland official store, HERE... though it is currently out of stock. They keep sending me SPAM, but at least it is useful SPAM.