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Thursday, 26 July 2012

How To Have Anal Sex: Step 1

Mister Manfred Mann recently received a request from a male reader of this blog begging that we provide a how to guide on anal sex.

Now, what two or more individuals do in the privacy of their own home, back seat of an F-150 long cab or sex club, is entirely up to them, but Mister Manfred Mann assumes the request was for help in how a man can have anal sex with a woman. She's the catcher - not you... though that could be another blog entry.

Mister Manfred Mann is no prude. While we do indeed know exactly how many women we have slept with - a lot - the exact number is for personal consumption only... suffice to say that 95% of the women he has fucked have also had my wiener up their ass.

You can gather from that number that Mister Manfred Mann enjoys screwing women anally.

Why? Honestly... a sense of empowerment. Women who will do that for you must really trust you. In fact, of the 95% of the women Mister Manfred Mann has had anal sex with, 64% of those women had never had anal sex before.

Mister Manfred Mann has always been a version of Captain James T. Kirk, boldly going where no man has gone before.

A lady friend of his, Caroline, said that Mister Manfred Mann's numbers are nowhere close to being the norm, and he has to agree. She says for her girlfriends, anything to do with the word 'butt' or 'anal' is not in their vocabulary and definitely not in their ass. His MILF friend Deb has also famously quoted that the asshole is for exit only.

Too bad - she has a great ass. Caroline, too. They are not part of Mister Manfred Mann's numbers as he has not yet fucked either of them, but never say die, and eat more pie!

Now... speaking of famous quotes, Mister Manfred Mann recalls reading in an old porno magazine back in the 1970s, that JFK (John. F. Kennedy), the 35th president of the United States of America, once said that he was never finished with a woman until he had had her three ways. Let's see: ( ) Pussy, mOuth, and... oh yeah... anal *.

Even then, Mister Manfred Mann recalls thinking out loud that if fucking a woman three ways was good enough for the president of the U.S., it sure was good enough for himself.

But, or butt, if you prefer, man... a lot of women don't want to do anal. They figure it hurts... and yes, it can. Especially if it isn't done correctly.

So... this entry on anal sex shall be in three parts:
1) How to get your woman's ass ready for her first anal sex experience;
2) How to use toys to get the ass ready to handle your rod;
3) How to actually have anal sex with your cock being the star.

The convincing part... that's still up to you and her, and 'no' always means 'no'. It's true... Mister Manfred Mann has heard from many of his male friends that women will often say they have tried it (a little) and it hurt a lot and they don't want  to try it again. But, Mister Manfred Mann can only conclude that is either because they are lying and trying save their ass or they legitimately tried it and the idiots who were engaged in said act where too eager in their entry. Fucking assholes.

Now... since anal sex has been getting a bum rap, Mister Manfred Mann wants to teach you how to get your woman's asshole ready for some fun, while having fun doing it. perhaps this is something you can actually mention to your woman - because, afterall, you will be playing with her asshole, so she might as well know before hand, so that you can discuss it like a normal human being (her) and you. 

There are two sphincters of the anus, the outer one which creates the pucker that you can see, and the inner sphincter that you can feel a short ways up if you insert your finger in your anus. Try it on yourself and see.

What the fuck are you doing with your finger up your ass? Because I told you too? Okay... at least you are listening. Perv.

The first thing both of you need to understand is that there are a lot of nerve endings all around the anus. For you assholes out there, the anus is the end of the digestive system that leads to the rectum.

With those nerve endings all about, the anus and rectum are sensitive areas... but with the right touch, whether it's a tongue, finger, cock, plug, vibrator or dildo, you can make the anal experience a highly pleasurable one for both the woman and for you. When she's happy, you will be happy.

Men: you too have a clusterfuck of nerve endings around your asshole. Your prostate gland is up and inside there - that's what the doctor is feeling when he sticks a (hopefully) gloved finger up your ass. You can actually have an orgasm merely from some pressure on your prostate. Although, Mister Manfred Mann should point out that that is not something you want to do in front of Dr. Ben Dover.

Women: you can actually achieve a G-spot orgasm (more on the G-spot can be found HERE - yes, Mister Manfred Mann always knows how to find the G-spot, and you can too) from anal activities.

Now... let's look at some: 

(or: Five Simple Rules For Anally Dating My Daughter)
  1. Communication: This is so important!  The need for communication is paramount. It's communication with each other on how things feel and what works and what doesn't. It's not just a bit of spit and in your cock goes. That works in the porno movies - but only because they are already either lubed or know how to handle plastic or meat up their ass. For us regular folks - communication.
  2. No Pain: If it hurts, ix-nay on the ass-ay. Back off. Sex - and here we are not talking about S&M or any of the standard fun kinks - should not hurt. Anal sex should not hurt, either.
  3. Lubrication. Lubrication. Lubrication: That asshole is built for exits, but properly lubed, it can handle an entrance. Don't worry... she'll let you know if her asshole lacks enough lubrication.
  4. Relaxation: If she's tensing up, someone's gonna get a hurt real bad. You need to get her to relax BEFORE anything goes up her ass. Tell her a few jokes. Get her to do some jumping jacks. A shot of booze. A joint (of beef?), whatever. This blog does not condone the use of illegal narcotics.
  5. Hi Gene: Stupid Auto-Correct. It should have read hygiene. yes, Mister Manfred Mann already said have a shower... but even if a well-oiled finger is going up there... if it's you (the man) inserting a finger... make sure your fingernails are trimmed back and are clean. Women with long nails... you can still do this, but slowly.  
And... these five rules work for the first time to the thousandth time or how many times you want to or can butt fuck. Memorize them. Use them. 

As mentioned by MILF Deb, the asshole is for exit, though we humbly disagree about her 'only' claim. So... yes... the asshole is where we shit from. So... at any given time, there could be shit in there. For some people, this is an issue. Mister Manfred Mann knows that anal sex - especially when done spur of the moment - can be a messy situation. So:
  • Clean Up On Aisle #2: Since this blog entry is merely Step 1 of a learning exercise, and you have already got your woman to agree to some anal stimulation (not cock penetration - yet), she needs to evacuate her bowels. Yes, this can be something as simple as taking a crap, or it can involve performing an enema. Please do not starve her for two days before anal intrusion. Just know that fecal matter could still be a part of the equation. And for chrissakes, be a man and don't effing freak out about it. If you are concerned about poop on you, wear a latex glove, finger condom, have a shower (both of you before hand), and, or simply grow a pair.
  • Exercises: Mister Manfred Mann isn't talking about sit-ups or yoga here. We're talking about exercises to get her asshole ready for play. You guys know that pubococcygeous muscle (pronounced pyoo-bo-cock-see-gee-us mus-sell) is that muscle that helps you stop peeing in mid-stream? Well you should. Read THIS blog. Both the woman and man can benefit from reading that blog entry, as a strong pubococcygeous (PC) muscle can enhance your experience of orgasm, improve ejaculatory control and decrease incontinence, among other great benefits. Anyhow... a woman can do this too. In fact, by performing the squeezing of this muscle, she (and you) can also strengthen her anal muscles. For women, these are called anal kegels. Women... follow the rules Mister Manfred Mann has set forth in the blog article, and you will have a well-toned PC muscle that guys will be drooling over - mostly because we drool a lot.
  • Well-oiled Machine: Lubrication is a must. Sticking something up a dry ass hurts. Don't believe Mister Manfred Mann? Go ahead - we won't watch - stick a finger up your ass while you are watching the Golf Channel. Fucking hurts, doesn't it? Now imagine a big hard cock - just like yours - going up your own asshole. That's why you are going to want to use lubrication for your anal play with your woman. As mentioned, the rectum (Rectum? Damn near killed'em!) is a sensitive area. Unlike your penis (pre-cum) or her vagina, it does not create its own lubrication. As such, when things go into it, tearing can occur. That's tearing as in ripping... not like crying, though that is also a possible outcome. And while it may be very macho of you to rip your woman's asshole up, we can guarantee she will find her revenge on you one way or the other - perhaps with Mister Manfred Mann. Use a lubricant. For anal sex, the thicker the lube, the better, as they do not evaporate quickly. Put some lube on the asshole (her anus, butt fuck) and on your finger or toy...
You'll have noticed that we haven't even put anything into her ass yet. Women... if you want to do this by yourself, feel free, but you need to get the feel of things. 
  • Someone's At The Back Door: You now need to get a feel for your asshole. It's time to play. The woman can do this by herself, or you can do this with her. Either way: relaxed and lubed. Now it's time to place a fingertip inside your woman's asshole. If it hurts - pull it out! Let her place her more slender finger up there - you can watch. If you meet resistance (not her screaming "NO!!!" - in which case pull out) - where it seems like the tip of the finger doesn't want to go in... have your woman push out as if you had to go to the bathroom (poop) and push your finger in at the same time. 
  • Fun With Experimentation: Here Mister Manfred Mann recommends - with a finger up your woman's ass that you have your woman do some experimenting. By this we mean she should try clenching her asshole for a second or two and then release... always good to breath as normally as possible. She can do the clenches without anything in her ass - and both you and her should feel and observe the changes with her anus. Now try rubbing a finger in small little circles around the rim of her asshole. Does she have any particularly sensitive spots?  See? This is you communicating! She will be amazed at your sensitivity (but don't mention how much you are looking to plow her ass like it is harvest time). Insert the fingertip (lubed)... not very far... even half the fingernail length... gently... have her flex and release... and when you both have had enough (okay, when she's had enough after a few  minutes), pull out gently, wash-up, come back, kiss her nicely and thank her and then fuck her pussy like she likes to be fucked. If you aren't sure, ask Mister Manfred Mann. The odds are pretty good he knows how she likes it.
Next up: How To Use Anal Toys To Get Her Ready For Your Dick (not the actual title... I'm still undecided) ... which is the ultimate goal. Who knew this could be a long, drawn out process? Certainly NOT Mister Manfred Mann, but he's learning too, that not everyone is as big an ass fuck as he is. Tell your friends about this blog.

By the way... that anal plug up above is known as a black Tristan Plug 1, and can be purchased from the Babeland official store, HERE... though it is currently out of stock. They keep sending me SPAM, but at least it is useful SPAM.


  1. This is a great post, I favorited your blog and added your feed. Neil Advani

    1. I'm a man but not a faggot and I love to b fucked in the ass! It makes. Me cum very very. Hard. But lets get one thing straight, men r my friends,not my lovers,the thought of that makes me sick! !!!! I just like a big hard dick going up my ass,while I'm being sucked,jacked off,or have a pussy riding my dick,especially when pussy is sitting on my let's. Talk about fucking asshole. I can fuck a woman or man in the ass! The reason why is, let's face it what's the difference, ? A pussy is a pussy.a dick is a dick. They. Are totally. Different ..but an asshole is just an asshole, male or female its biologically. The fucking same. What makes u a faggot is whiether or not u get off on the male profile ,,which I don't. I love females.but if I was in a situation where I had a choice, fuck a man in the ass, or jack off,, I'd fuck a man in his fucking ass hole,and like it.but that still don't make me a faggot,because and only because. I don't like men in that way. I don't see them as pretty, sexy, or any thing else. Just a temporary fuck hole,till I can get back to my pretty pussy...(example)-being locked up!!!

    2. Hey man... I have no problem with who you are. It's sex. You are bi-sexual. Whatever. It's cool. I personally don't care if anyone is gay, lesbian or other. If you are happy, good! Mister Manfred Mann does not wish to judge people. MMM does not have any experience with men sexually. While the blog is entitled "How To Survive Women, you have stated that you survive women by having sex with men until a woman comes around. MMM never thought about that. Thank-you for taking the time to bring up that consideration. Again, it's not for everyone, but 'Que sera, sera' 'whatever will be will be'.

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  2. Me an my spouse both are trying our best with opening my ass an it hurts me really bad. We are both trying to accomplish this an i keep pushing away :/ i really want to try this but i just can't. I hope this helps

    1. Hello Lisa Marie,
      The key is lubrication. And patience. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will you be ready. Slow and sure... fingers, tongues, dildos (small). I hate to be gross, but you have pooped bigger things out than the average sized dick. It way have hurt going out, so that's why your patience is required. You have ONE great thing on your side, though - you are trying. Best of luck to you and your husband - and drop me a line if part one is at least successful for you.

    2. Now I've heard it all...hahaha...comparing anal sex to the building of Rome. Your blog is a joke.

    3. Wow... what a sense of humor you possess. Perhaps you don't believe in taking things slow regarding anal sex, that it's okay to have your asshole ripped apart from a lack of lube or stretching. Perhaps that's the way you prefer it because that's what your uncle did to you? Or is that the way they treated you in prison? Whatever. Your opinion is yours and is thus correct. An opinion is always correct even if you are incorrect.

    4. Nice ad hominem attacks! I see you like to make fun of people molested by their uncle (none of your diagnoses are correct BTW but I guess you like to entertain yourself at other people's expense because of an uncle that doesn't read your blog). Classy & adorable - NOT!
      Not only is your blog a joke but you are a complete imbecile.
      Did you ever consider that maybe the rectum is not a sex organ? It's probably why she has pain during anal sex attempts. I bet my wife and I have orgasmed twice thru good ol' vaginal intercourse before your recipe for anal sex is ready for takeoff. Hell, my wife and I have probably orgasmed three times before you clean the Santorum off your peeper from your first anal indulgence.
      Did I mention that your blog is a joke? LOL!

    5. lol good job trolling ..i guess your bitter cause your wife only does anal with her dildo..sad that you cant please her..she should get a real man!

    6. Lol what a tosser. The man is sharing his expertise with us, which I for one appreciate. Don't like the blog? The jog the fuck on. Simple.

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  3. i love anal sex very much and i get problems whenever we break with a gal and have to again convince the new ones into it

    1. Ha! That's true! Though, I (luckily) have never had a problem in convincing a woman to have anal. I have no idea why. Just lucky, I suppose. With many it was their first time, and while Mister Manfred Mann seems to be a poster boy for the Canadian average, that may have had something to do with it. Okay... slightly larger than average.

  4. omantic schmantic! leave the roses for when you're actually a couple. Focus on your interests, but be friendly. Over bearing attention will make a woman step back.
    live sex mobile

  5. Anal sex is very good I came to even think its better than vaginal sex. I orgasm a lot afterwards and get really were when I'm doing anal and touching my clit.

  6. Hey there! What a good looking personal blog you have! Did you organize this domain on your own?

  7. usually only laugh at myself but this is classical well thought pant wetting stuff. ive never been attracted to Asian men but what do you know... i land on korean soil and kaboom!!! i cant even look at foreign men any more! that said koreans are hard to date... with as many as 4 in my 6 months here the statistics are an indication of my inadeqaucy at knowing WTF do u wnat? not that i give id just like an idea... anyhow im a south african of Iranian descent so whereas im not black nor am i white im constantly hit with the What are you? no not an alien... regardless they seem to find the "mix" quite appealing so there...for all you brown skin girls wanting korean men.. Fear not you might just be a social experiment BUT on the upside being a guinea pig has its advantages
    age play phone sex uk

  8. I love anal Sex with my husband... I love it when he eats my pussy & fingers my anal at the same time... I have so many organism when this is done to me and this really excites my husband. We have learned that lubrication is the main key to Great Anal Sex. My husband is great to help me relax my muscles... he starts with oral sex with fingering my anal, then massaging anal lube in the anal ...getting it all lube and moist & so relax...then he eases into my anal with me letting him know it feels good or he needs to be slow... Then we have the best sex in my ass! I can feel everything and this gives me such a high and makes me cum every time with him... I am getting addictive to Anal Sex!!! I am wanting it every time after we have the normal sex... I think I am wearing my man out!!! LOL

    1. love to do it to females as my gf doesnt like it she hates it so feeling rather left out on that of sexual desires that i need to look for in discreet of another female with agreed mutal respect to do it with.signwood

  9. I have a female friend who I got addicted to anal sex several years ago. When we first started dating, she was boring in bed, then one night I slowly slid a lubricated finger into her anus, and she lost her mind! I introduced her to anal sex, and she's been having multiple powerful orgasms ever since. We have gone to another level that you don't hear about, where standing up, she bends over slightly, parts the cheeks of her voluptuous ass, and shits for me while I watch up close. For the highly adventurous, this is mind boggling for both, and now she's very addicted to this. I gently wipe her asshole, then we engage in the hottest anal sex imaginable.

    1. Hey man, MMM does not judge at all. You are lucky to have found a partner into the same shit as you. That makes you lucky. Enjoy and be safe.

  10. Hi there. I just recently had anal sex with my boyfriend and I do have external hemorroids.
    It didn't hurt at all. We used lube but he didn't wear a condom. I was properly cleaned for anal sex but a few hours after I noticed that I was bleeding a little back there. Is that a bad sign?

    1. Hi there! Anal bleeding is never a good sign - but it is not a supreme cause for alarm, unless it doesn't stop - IE leakage even when you are just sitting around. Then it's time to go to a doctor.
      In your case, it seems as though you just weren't stretched out enough. I don'[t want to be too casual about it, but it's not a big deal. In fact, by the time you read this, I bet there's no spotting.
      Be careful. I know, easier said than done... stretching out slowly with a dildo (lubbed) in circular motions to stretch out the sides, as well as depth.
      The average dept of the asshole is quite deep. It's just not very wide... a cock is usually thicker than the tubing... it's why great pains (no pun intended) are required to stretch things out.
      If, you are still bleeding after three days, go see a physician. Be honest and explain the situation. It's better to get the right help for the right symptoms.
      Good luck.

    2. I'm not seeing anymore bleeding. Thank you so much.
      It was my first time too so maybe that's why.
      Again thank you!!!!!

  11. thanks .nice topic
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  12. only mens do need on guide of anal sex not woman!woman is the catcher and mens is intended to do all moves that can make him and hes partner satisfied.
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  13. for the first time i recently fucked a woman up her ass that was when the routine sex was taking longer than usual and i was drunk. my score remains one but i can tell you that butt fucking is altogether different and i enjoyed it a lot and i am sure the woman did too. some women do enjoy it and i hope i come across another such woman very soon

  14. how can a woman properly clean her anus? what is the proper way?

    1. First empty the colon. Poop. Then a warm water enema seems to be the best way according to MMM's woman. wipe accordingly with a wet-wipe. Try an avoid any cleaning kits that use vinegar - that'll burn!

  15. I talk to my woman but I just cant get lucky what should I dont

  16. hiiii..i fucked my gf too hard and for long time .she got satisfied with my fucked and fucking style. her vagina was very healthy and enjoy full.and now she used to meet me daily evening and i fucked her daily and she enjoy too much

  17. Me n my bf want to try it but Ik u can't just start off right away doing it so how can I build up to it n do u know any natural lubricates?

    1. Natural lubricants? Spit. Butter. Margarine. cooking oils - make sure no one is allergic.
      Others: Astro-glide. K-Y jelly. Visit an adult 'toy shop'... don't be afraid to ask questions. No one there will judge you.
      remember... start slow... a finger up and in... and... have fun.

    2. I have tried it but it really hurts...I know my bf wants it so much but I am not into it. What do i do?

    3. If you are not into it, don't do it. It's not rape where one person only cares about themselves. This is a team activity whereby two people are supposed to enjoy what they are doing with mutual consent.
      If you have tried and followed the advice in Step 1, and it's not working... and you say you are NOT into it... tell him that. At least you tried.
      Mister Manfred Mann is NOT going to tell anyone to do something they don't want to do.

  18. i ve tried anal sex time without num, it is great when it is done properly. My girl do cum on time if i fuck her little ass hole....she always ask me to fuck her hard in the ass hole..

  19. doesn't anal sex leaves shit on the dick ?

    1. Yup... Butt... if you had read the article, you would notice that there is a segment above entitled "No shit, Sherlock". It will offers advice on how to avoid getting shit on your dick. Good luck.

  20. I can tell that my wife really loves it, but then she tries to pretend that she doesn't. Her anal orgasms are beter than vaginal ones. Her body acts like it's being electrocuted. Honestly, the first time I thought she had passed out. Why can't she be honest about it?

  21. I just had anal sex with my partner Sunday morning (weekend mornings are always the best because everything is calm and I get to enjoy lying in bed next to him). For the longest time I wanted to do anal but it always hurt and seemed like his head would never go in. He's not the best communicator so when I ask to have him tell me sweet words to relax me he's not accommodating. But yesterday morning I wanted him so badly and I wanted to have the satisfaction of giving him my asshole that the idea took me over the edge. He always has morning wood so I spooned him and jacked him off slowly under his pj's with one hand then spread apart my lips and rubbed them on his thigh with the other. This got me going I continued to mash my lips, clit and mound against his back thigh so when he reached over to slide his fingers into my va-jay jay he found me extremely wet. This made it easier to slip his index finger into my butt-hole and another finger into my dripping wet vagina. I think next time I'll ask him to hold me like a bowling ball - but I digress. A few digits later and I was ready to get on top. It always feels good but I like it when he hovers over me because I enjoy feeling his weight and I really enjoy when he can controls the speed of the humping. Switch positions. I opted for doggie-style because I wanted him to pound me from behind. I asked for it rough so he slide me to the edge of the bed and throw my legs apart so the right was spread eagle and the left was on the floor on at an angle to steady myself. He gave it to me hard but I recalled how wet I was when he was fingering me that I asked him to stick it in my ass. He thought I was joking because we've tried on separate occasions but never successful. I grabbed my cheeks and softly dug the fleshy part of fingers into my hole so I could open my entrance and receive him better. I was really wet so I couldn't get a good grip the first time. He bent down and whisper that I didn't want it bad enough and that was all I needed to send me over the edge. I reached behind and spread my cheeks again and this time he fit - Houston we have lift-off! I felt such a sense of satisfaction over having accomplished this task followed by a thrilling new sensation across my body. It was tight and hot (my skin was flushed) but something I don't normally feel was going on in my head. I felt dominated and it felt weird but I gave into the sensation it produced in my mind and now I think I could really be addicted to this feeling. I didn't cum but all day yesterday and even now I'm so turned on by the memory and how he was stuffing his member inside me controlling me and dominating my mind. I think I have problems especially since we don't communicate very well. I want to replicate this again and again taking the stakes higher, it's nice coming across your blog and sharing.

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