Manscaping 201: Male Pattern Boldness In Your Pubic Hair

Mister Manfred Mann is unsure why he is bothering to present this particular blog.

Male pubic hair designs? Did you not read the informative Manscaping 101 blog? Shave it bald!

Ah me, To each his own, we suppose. As a pubic service announcement, How To Survive Women shall present a few pubic hair designs you can shave your man bush to for style or amusement. 

Welcome to Manscaping 201, a slightly more advanced course that looks at shaving your pubic hair... down there.

Now still... you partial shavers disgust Mister Manfred Mann, but he likes that you still desire his advice. He is a writer, after all, and thus desperately needing constant affirmation of his talents.

So, let's get right to the lesson so you can ignore all that Mister Manfred Mann advised you upon in the first lesson.

Firstly, these are patterns in which you shave the hair off all around your groin, leaving a patch of hair in a shape or pattern.

You do NOT leave all of your groin hair and shave the hair to reveal a pattern... this is a negative aspect to shaving your meat and two veg and defeats the purpose of looking sleek (see Manscaping 101 for a full explanation).

Patterns You Can Shave

1) The Landing Strip:

The Landing Strip was drawn without a penis.

This pattern is the rectangle placed horizontally - that's up and down - that should be shaved just above your cock and should end no higher than your belt line. In fact, depending on taste, that can be too high. Mister Manfred Mann recommends, if you choose to utilize this pattern that it not be more than two inches in height and no more than one inch in width. The Landing Strip... you do realize that when your cock gets hard, it should obscure your work? But, since you already have a hard-on, who the fuck cares? 

2) The Hitler:

This pattern reveals a square shape of hair left. It should look like a square, and the base (bottom) of the square should be situated about 1-inch above the top of your dick. That means there is a smooth surface of no-hair just above your cock before The Hitler mustache is revealed. How big should The Hitler be? Mister Manfred Mann recommends it be a 1 x 1-inch square. As well... the height of the hair left should not be more than a half-inch in height. It should not be stubble! There is nothing worse than having your significant other getting razor burn from your shaving technique. And, for god's sake... neither should it appear high enough where it looks like a field of wheat blowing in the wind.

3) The Groucho Marx:

Even looking like this, he got laid. Of course, he was rich, too.

You know Marxism is the woist thing I've ever heard off. If you have no idea what I am talking about, you don't know the Marx Brothers and their classic comedy from the 1930s and 40s, and you certainly don't know Groucho Marx, the brilliant leader of the five-man troupe, that included himself, Harp, Chico, Zeppo and Gummo.
Take a look at that photo. Would you want that plastered just above your penis? Is so, welcome to The Groucho Marx.

The first thing to admit, is that Groucho's famous mustache was painted on top of his regular mustache to give it an over-sized square look.Sometimes it was just painted on over his bare lip, like in the photo here.

This rectangular look for you, the pubic hair shaver, looks like a much wider version of The Hitler, or a sideways version of the Landing Strip... but, in reality, it's mostly drawn on by a Sharpie. Perhaps you should not drink so much when you go camping with your quasi-homosexual mates. Who would do something like this?

That's sort of a joke, but the pattern remains the same. As far as having The Goucho Marx around your privates, recall what Groucho had to say: "I would never join any club that would have me as a member."

4) The Arrow:

Okay... as far as a having a pattern of pubes placed above your penis, The Arrow is a nice design, though Mister Manfred Mann is certain the upkeep on this design could be time-consuming. Once it's been shaved in, trying to  keep it looking like an arrow - all nice and even on both sides of the point is difficult. Once you mess up, the constant shaving manipulation of it to even up will cause one to shave it all off in disgust. But, why an arrow? Does a woman really need directions to your penis? If a woman is peering at your naked body and requiring directions to your wang, you better already have a hard-on, and thus she should already be able to see it. (And if you do not, ask your doctor about Viagra or Cialis). Of course, once you you are hard and erect, Mister Manfred Mann notes that like The Landing Strip pattern, your dick will hopefully obscure The Arrow. Hopefully you get the point.

5) The Triangle:

The Triangle is also a nice pattern to shave around the upper area of pubes, especially if you are the purple Telletubbie. That was Mister Manfred Mann being sarcastic.
Question: are we not men? If you must shave The Triangle patch around your pubic hair - for god sake's, man - the point of the triangle should point downward!! It should point toward your dick in case someone you want to fuck is too dumb to know where your cock is. And really, if they are too dense to know where your cock is, they are too dense to know what a triangle is. Sorry... Mister Manfred Man hates this one, but we suppose it's like masturbation or going to a massage parlor - different strokes for different folks. Mister Manfred Mann likes the look of The Triangle pubes on women (though he does prefer it shorn clean), because we are men and can always use a little direction. Note for women: The Triangle should point to your clitoris. You want us to find it, right? Well, stop complaining that men (some men) have no clue. Give them one. Mister Manfred Mann has never had any problem finding the clitoris. He only knows that some men are unable to from his various girlfriends complaining about their past boyfriends, and from reading Penthouse magazine's Xaviera Hollander column back in the 1970s as a pre-teen. Yes... I read it for the articles. Also.

Patterns Not To Shave Into Your Pubic Hair:

1) A Dirty Word: 

Don't be a cracker.

What are you 12? No. No woman worth having sex with will find the shaving of A Dirty Word or phrase into a man's pubic area funny or sexy. Any woman who does find it funny or sexy is called a hooker, and she thinks you are the smartest, warmest, funniest, most well-endowed gentleman she has ever had the pleasure of meating this past hour.
What type of words does Mister Manfred Mann mean? Things like: Suck it, bitch!; Cock; Kathy Griffin; Choke on it.
As for why there is no photographic evidence? Well, let's just say that Mister Manfred Mann is proud of you folks who have shaved a dirty word into their pubes - while it's still pretty stupid, at least you didn't post pics of it onto the Internet.     

2) Circular images: 

Circles are impossible to draw freehand.

Despite the upkeep... a Circular pattern of pubic hair left makes one look he has a very hairy, possibly cancerous mole - whoops, there goes the mood! Or, it looks like an eye and it could freak out a woman who may or may not ever scream that she swears it feels like it is constantly watching her. Look... the only round thing a woman needs to look at down there is your cockhead. Oh... and your balls. Perhaps your asshole if you are lucky. Why confuse her with more roundness?
Also, if you check out the image to the right - no matter how perfect your circular shaving looks right now, in two days it will look like this.
Why waste your time?  

3) Comic Book Images:  

Look what the cat dragged in...

You can't do this yourself.

Holy copyright infringement, Batman! Take a look at the two Comic Book Images here: The Batman symbol and the Superman symbol. While Mister Manfred Mann will admit that there is a certain amount of skill in the proffering of these pictures into their chest area... image the same thing (but smaller) down just above your cock. No... do not imagine it. Mister Manfred Mann has done that for you and can assure you that the mental image he had was both frightening and stupid.And look at what Superman got... Lois Lane needs a shave! They both could use a heavy dosing of Nair and Kryptonite.

Power Girl hates Men

And Batman - the best non-powered super-hero on the planet, you only put that symbol above your wank if you have a girlfried... and Mister Manfred Mann wants to remind you, ComicBook Guy... even if you somehow manage to stop whacking off to drawings of Powergirl, WonderWoman, Marvel Girl and the Invisible Woman when she looked like a MILF, and manage to put your comic book back into it's acid-free backing and Mylar plastic bag, you will never keep a girlfriend when she sees that shaved into your pubes. By the way. While Mister Manfred Mann loves a comic book every once in a while, he has not ever made love to a comic book - for one thing, it lowers its value. We suppose you could buy multiple copies, however. But really, Mister Manfred Mann has just realized... if you are whacking off to a comic book image, you go right ahead and shave whatever superhero logo you want into your pubes.Mister Manfred Mann can only solve one crisis at a time.
  

4) The Heart: 

Take a look at the photo. It just does not look manly - even on a chest. If you and your other are into cute - go ahead, but Mister Manfred Mann says the proof is in the photo. As such, we do not believe there is actually anything cute about shaving a heart pattern into your pubes if you are a man.
Think about it... would you ever post a photo of your pubic hair pattern (less the image of your wiener) on the Internet? Yes? How about the cutie-pie Heart? Maybe? Now... would you identify it with your name? Your real name? We didn't think so.
Mister Manfred does not know why this poor man did what he did and even why he has allowed it onto the Internet, but we hope he either got a lot of money or a lot of pussy (if that is what he is indeed in to). There can be no other acceptable reason to allow this pattern onto a heterosexual man's body. Oh wait. Heterosexual.... It's okay if you are not. But... this blog is entitled How To Survive Women. Although, come to think of it, we suppose many of the tips contained herein could be used to survive men, too. If you were gay, would you find this heart-attack a sexy look?
Gods. Please let that photo have been part of someone's art project.

   
Author's Last Word:
Mister Manfred Mann knows there are far too many other hair styles out there, but the positive ones are the most common, while the negative ones should be common sense... but Mister Manfred Mann has often thought about shaving something naughty into his pubes.

Actually... no, he hasn't! He has not had pubic hair on his groin since the very early 1990s. Stop thinking about a pattern and go bald!