Male pubic hair designs? Did you not read the informative Manscaping 101 blog? Shave it bald!
Ah me, To each his own, we suppose. As a pubic service announcement, How To Survive Women shall present a few pubic hair designs you can shave your man bush to for style or amusement.
Welcome to Manscaping 201, a slightly more advanced course that looks at shaving your pubic hair... down there.
Now still... you partial shavers disgust Mister Manfred Mann, but he likes that you still desire his advice. He is a writer, after all, and thus desperately needing constant affirmation of his talents.
So, let's get right to the lesson so you can ignore all that Mister Manfred Mann advised you upon in the first lesson.
Firstly, these are patterns in which you shave the hair off all around your groin, leaving a patch of hair in a shape or pattern.
You do NOT leave all of your groin hair and shave the hair to reveal a pattern... this is a negative aspect to shaving your meat and two veg and defeats the purpose of looking sleek (see Manscaping 101 for a full explanation).
Patterns You Can Shave
1) The Landing Strip:
|The Landing Strip was drawn without a penis.|
2) The Hitler:
3) The Groucho Marx:
|Even looking like this, he got laid. Of course, he was rich, too.|
Take a look at that photo. Would you want that plastered just above your penis? Is so, welcome to The Groucho Marx.
The first thing to admit, is that Groucho's famous mustache was painted on top of his regular mustache to give it an over-sized square look.Sometimes it was just painted on over his bare lip, like in the photo here.
This rectangular look for you, the pubic hair shaver, looks like a much wider version of The Hitler, or a sideways version of the Landing Strip... but, in reality, it's mostly drawn on by a Sharpie. Perhaps you should not drink so much when you go camping with your quasi-homosexual mates. Who would do something like this?
That's sort of a joke, but the pattern remains the same. As far as having The Goucho Marx around your privates, recall what Groucho had to say: "I would never join any club that would have me as a member."
4) The Arrow:
5) The Triangle:
Question: are we not men? If you must shave The Triangle patch around your pubic hair - for god sake's, man - the point of the triangle should point downward!! It should point toward your dick in case someone you want to fuck is too dumb to know where your cock is. And really, if they are too dense to know where your cock is, they are too dense to know what a triangle is. Sorry... Mister Manfred Man hates this one, but we suppose it's like masturbation or going to a massage parlor - different strokes for different folks. Mister Manfred Mann likes the look of The Triangle pubes on women (though he does prefer it shorn clean), because we are men and can always use a little direction. Note for women: The Triangle should point to your clitoris. You want us to find it, right? Well, stop complaining that men (some men) have no clue. Give them one. Mister Manfred Mann has never had any problem finding the clitoris. He only knows that some men are unable to from his various girlfriends complaining about their past boyfriends, and from reading Penthouse magazine's Xaviera Hollander column back in the 1970s as a pre-teen. Yes... I read it for the articles. Also.
Patterns Not To Shave Into Your Pubic Hair:
1) A Dirty Word:
|Don't be a cracker.|
What type of words does Mister Manfred Mann mean? Things like: Suck it, bitch!; Cock; Kathy Griffin; Choke on it.
As for why there is no photographic evidence? Well, let's just say that Mister Manfred Mann is proud of you folks who have shaved a dirty word into their pubes - while it's still pretty stupid, at least you didn't post pics of it onto the Internet.
2) Circular images:
|Circles are impossible to draw freehand.|
Also, if you check out the image to the right - no matter how perfect your circular shaving looks right now, in two days it will look like this.
Why waste your time?
3) Comic Book Images:
|Look what the cat dragged in...|
|You can't do this yourself.|
|Power Girl hates Men|
4) The Heart:
Think about it... would you ever post a photo of your pubic hair pattern (less the image of your wiener) on the Internet? Yes? How about the cutie-pie Heart? Maybe? Now... would you identify it with your name? Your real name? We didn't think so.
Mister Manfred does not know why this poor man did what he did and even why he has allowed it onto the Internet, but we hope he either got a lot of money or a lot of pussy (if that is what he is indeed in to). There can be no other acceptable reason to allow this pattern onto a heterosexual man's body. Oh wait. Heterosexual.... It's okay if you are not. But... this blog is entitled How To Survive Women. Although, come to think of it, we suppose many of the tips contained herein could be used to survive men, too. If you were gay, would you find this heart-attack a sexy look?
Gods. Please let that photo have been part of someone's art project.
Author's Last Word:
Mister Manfred Mann knows there are far too many other hair styles out there, but the positive ones are the most common, while the negative ones should be common sense... but Mister Manfred Mann has often thought about shaving something naughty into his pubes.
Actually... no, he hasn't! He has not had pubic hair on his groin since the very early 1990s. Stop thinking about a pattern and go bald!